The Pattern Ends Here.
My Experiences, My Narrative, My story.
After witnessing so much anger, pain, and loss, I had completely lost hope trying to understand this side of my family.
It felt like a book someone had poured concrete over, impossible to even open let alone share with someone else.
Somehow, from my very first day walking into class, my understanding around this controversial subject started to broaden. Over time, opening a path that replaced this anger with a genuine drive to make a change.
Learning that gun’s were the leading cause of death for American youth under 17, was what quickly reminded of the consequences that occur when we, the people, and children are surrounded by the toxicity of gun culture.
A devastating 2,500 children killed by guns, just in 2024.
My upbringing gave me a unique account of an unfortunate and recurring pattern we see displayed in the everyday lives of Americans.
It led me to realize that is the real reason we see such horrific statistics rise year after year.
27,000 people dying from gun-related suicides,
15,000 people murdered by guns,
And 77,000 people being injured by gun violence,
all in the year of 2024;
just in America alone…
Back then, guns were one of the many things I saw my family use to drown out the noise.
Unknowingly to them, guns did something liquor and substances could not, it filled this lack of security they could not sustain themselves.
It restored their sense of dignity, that which had been stripped away by this harsh world.
Not only that, but this sense of pride they were fueled with, blinded them to the repercussions of their actions.
My father’s innocent gift exemplifies how this fear-driven, blinded normalization of gun culture can lead to actions that would deeply unsettle a large collective.
He was a product of volatile belief systems, continuously held down by this deeply engrained, unbearable pressure calling him to be strong, to be a man. Making him unable to break free of patterns that strengthen this ostentatious example of being an American.
He was simply one of the many victims to this complex downward trajectory of society.
Yet, I still never blamed him.
I blamed the culture; the continued spread of inaccuracies, the idea that a gun is what made you a man, or what labeled you as a protector.
I blamed society for desensitizing people; for treating a lethal weapon like a toy instead of a tool, further spreading this careless rhetoric seen around the world.
Just like him, I unknowingly inherited the fear that created this fogged perception.
My Peace and Justice class highlighted how most people are uneducated when it comes to knowing the “how” and the “why” of laws.
How the government allows states to set their own gun policies in alignment with political views-under the second amendment.
Or why there is so much debate surrounding such a vague, archaic law, drafted in 1787-88.
“A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to
the security of a free State, the right of the
people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be
infringed.”
A clear divide in meaning, allowing for these broad interpretations we see within individually set state laws.
Yes, the same laws that have higher reports of gun violence when most of the critical safety criteria are loosened.
But, who actually votes for these laws?
We the people.
The people who have already lived a life stuck in these fear based practices.
And the exact same people who will blindly live with the consequences.
I’ve learned that people prefer the fear mongering instead of finding solutions that will actually sustain their lifestyle.
I saw this illustrated as the National Rifle Association (NRA) shifted gears from hunting and safety practices, to this idea of being an American, and using your “God given rights”. Amplifying an inherent need for protection without the equally vital precautions that come with that.
This narrative was seen spreading near the “red” states more often than not…
Outings with my Nanna always came with a pitstop at the gas station.
My innocent desire to stay in the car and play subway surfers turned her mind into a twisted playground, imagining the worst possible scenarios that came to mind. Just before closing the door she would turn to me and warn me about the dangers in the world. What a stranger would do to me if the chance was presented. She would then swiftly open her purse, pull out her customized pistol, turn off the safety, and hand it to me loaded.
What I thought was responsible preparedness was truly just an exemplification of an unknowingly vast and widespread mentality.
It wasn’t a choice, it was just the way we have been taught to survive.
A sense of duty blinded by fear.
Even at such a young age, I was so engulfed by the systematically drastic pressures that weighed so heavily on everyone.
I sensed pain and fear in the way everyone moved through the world.
It set the tone for what they believed in; how they justified, and drove their actions.
In the year 2021, my environment quickly shifted from Southern Mississippi to Denver, Colorado.
Only 1,500 miles separating my two homes, yet almost incomparable in nature.
Looking back to my upbringing through poverty, deep in the southern parts of Mississippi, the ideology of far-right conservative Christians spoke louder than tornado sirens.
Gun ownership was normalized.
Encouraged.
And so woven into society’s dense layers of cultural identity.
So much so that my father gifted me my first gun, at the ripe age of 6.
My path to understanding these patterns became clearer once I read Citizen-Protectors by Carlson.
Carlson challenged programmed notions I had within my mind and allowed me to reanalyze my past through a clearer lense.
The way she examined the socioeconomic decline of Michigan, through first-hand accounts, demonstrated this narrative of fear I saw so clearly within my family.
I then started to separate this idea of gun ownership being a politically driven power grab, to connected individuals reaching for this idealization of protection and sanctity.
She showed how this particular side-effect of gun culture, and the fear that triggers it, is mainly saturated within the lives of people suffering from the ever-evolving economic state of the world.
People mainly saturated within disadvantaged communities.
There was this generationally pushed idea that men needed to be strong. They were not allowed to express themselves by any means. This continuous repression inhibited any possibility of receiving true help. To them, it seemed utterly impossible to even imagine a living a life without pain. Creating this unwavering instability in their lives, the perfect brew to ignite paranoia.